Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I currently don't understand fingers.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
