There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
