I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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