Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
