She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
