Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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