Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
