News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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