and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
