saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
