I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
