4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
being pregnant is like rehab
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
