It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
