I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Someone shit on the floor
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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