Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
