dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
