Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
