It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
