nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
