my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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