were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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