I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Your cock deserves a montage
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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