Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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