the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
