she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
