i think my mom watched the whole time
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
