Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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