You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
