if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
