Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
