the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
