pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
