How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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