You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
is wine microwaveable?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
