a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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