just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
