Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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