Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
