I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
