New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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