she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I have aggressive nipples.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
