There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
