at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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