My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just found puke in my bra..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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