who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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