Will you blow on my dice?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
