i may or may not be watching the land before time
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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