if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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