We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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