I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
