He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
